Welcome to my stop on the virtual book tour for I AM NOT BRAD PITT: And Other Stories by Ross Dreiblatt. This book tour was organized by Pump Up Your Book. On my stop, I have an excerpt from the book as well as a top ten list to help you get to know the author. Be sure to visit the other stops on the tour for more content. Enjoy!
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Author: Ross Dreiblatt
Publisher: Stone Tiger Books
Publication Date: November 17th 2021
Print Length: 391 pages
Genre: Satire, Humorous Literary Fiction
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I AM NOT BRAD PITT is the first of three riotously absurd tales in Ross Dreiblatt’s debut short-story collection sending up America’s sometimes-fatal celebrity obsessions.
“I Am Not Brad Pitt” opens in a prison cell in which Mr. Pitt’s clone-like doppelganger, Tobey Crawford, remorsefully recounts the sequence of unlikely events that resulted in his wrongful conviction for murder.
The second story, “Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself,” considers the possibility that Keith Richards (along with, for good measure, Dolly Parton) is, indeed, a vampire. Nobel-Prize laureate Bob Dylan, the story’s vampire-killer, is equipped with more than just a harmonica and tambourine.
The final work in the collection, “Keeping Compliant With The Kardashians,” examines whether Kardashian family members are, in fact, aliens from another galaxy and what precisely is their interest on Earth.
Each of the stories are told with engaging humor, and each pokes fun more at American culture than they do, generally, of the celebrities themselves.
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EXCERPT:
Even though I was not actually guilty, I know many of you think that I got what I deserved. You probably think people like me get by on their looks and coast through life without breaking a sweat. Well, in my case, coast through someone else’s life. I know for a fact, from the “fan mail” I get here, that there are lots of you out there who think I’m just a crazy man spinning a conspiracy theory. I’m used to that kind of judgment; it doesn’t bother me. I don’t need to defend myself from that. I will tell you all right now, I am not, nor have I ever been, a religious man, but I will confess my sins today. I am guilty of many, many sins.
But none of those sins is murder. That one belongs to my lookalike buddy, Brad Pitt.
To set the record straight, it took me a while to see my resemblance to Brad. I mean, I never thought I was that good-looking. I was a geeky kid—glasses, acne, bad haircuts, debate club, math nerd. And the fatal blow? I was a big kid. About eighty pounds overweight, just five pounds shy of being officially obese. I was ground zero for awkward. Deathblows for any teenager trying to make friends and learn social skills, so I retreated inward. Friends? I had a few loyal friends who were fellow dorks, but mostly TV and movies were my friends. I was also fascinated by data, by numbers.
I’m not telling you all this to get sympathy. Yes, I was a sad case growing up, but this is who I am. I am not a monster; I evolved into Brad. There was no plastic surgery involved, either. This is all me.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Ross Dreiblatt is an author who was born and grew up in New York. His father was a truck driver and his mom was a retail manager. He attended Hofstra University and moved to Los Angeles where he attended Cal State Northridge. While in Los Angeles, he studied under John Rechy’s master writing workshop at UCLA.
He has worked in the corporate offices of major retailers in Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York City, and Florida toiling on spreadsheets by day, and the imaginary lives of celebrity monsters by night.
He loves to travel and will get on a plane going anywhere, as long as it eventually lands safely. Despite the dour photo, he is kind of a happy guy.
He currently lives in South Florida.
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GUEST POST:
Top Ten Things You Might Not Know About Ross Dreiblatt
1. When I was in 4th grade, my school had a competition to see who could write the best poem about fire safety sponsored by the local fire department. I read my poem at a general assembly and won the contest. They gave me a large trophy with a brass fireman on top.
2. My mom actually wrote the poem. She really enjoyed doing it.
3. When I was little, I thought I wanted to be an actor, I even took acting classes every Saturday morning.
4. In high school I was cast in a small part in our high school play. I hated every minute of the experience.
5. For some reason, the high school paper let me review the play and I totally trashed it. No one from the school drama department would ever speak to me again, thus sealing my fate as a non-actor.
6. I became the features editor of the paper shortly after that, sealing my fate as a writer
7. In high school and college, I worked for a couple of local papers as an associate editor. My first assignment was to interview a man who believed in aliens and was designing a spaceship to meet them. I spent 2 hours listening to his very detailed descriptions of aliens based on no real evidence or theories. I wrote an 8-paragraph article about him, and it was my first published article.
8. I wrote my first short story at 20 years old called “Boogers the Cow.” It was 4 different scenarios in which this cow would appear and end each scene. It won an award.
9. When I write I keep forgetting the names of my characters and after the first draft I always have to go back and make sure that each character has only 1 name.
10. I have been practicing Buddhism my entire adult life. It’s truly the best thing I have ever done. Want to become happy? Practice Buddhism!
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